Fears surface

4th September 2016

I have so much stuff! I had no idea that I needed so much stuff to function in life. Just putting everything out in view really changes my perception about how much "extra stuff" I have as compared to how much I thought that I had. Just looking at it I understand that it will not fit into my suitcases. I have to remove some stuff. I must.

(^__^)

1 feel like I'm already adjusting to the time difference, late nights here equal early to bed in Italy after all. Maybe I subconsciously started doing it to ease my future mind. Well, that's what I keep telling myself, I'll find out in about two days anyway.

It's amazing how terrified we can become of things unknown to us. Especially since I'll be sharing a room with someone who I have never met or know. I imagine good days and bad days, worst case scenarios are the best considering that the reality would always be slightly better than those fictional frightening embarrassing scenes concocted by myself.

(^__^)

My thoughts keep shifting constantly to avoid my situation and my mental state. Jumping from random thought to thought is actually a great escape for me. Since it is so much fun to distract myself with everything but the truth. The truth as we all know, is ugly , so we run, as far away from it as we can. We hide behind closed doors and windows, we hide in the streams of Netflix, we hide in our heavenly dreams and in all our health consuming vices.

This, to me, is in itself a distraction. But I allow it, because life needs to be laid out in front of us sometimes so that we can view ourselves from outside. When within doesn't make sense, make it out by bringing it out, to the surface.

(^__^)

I always imagine myself writing a book that starts with

"I was born in a small town called Nagercoil, in a hospital across the road. I go by many earthly names, modifications accumulated over the years.  The sun has been around me not enough times for me to grow lines on my face but I feel the mental lines threatening my existence"

(^__^)

Fears currently haunting me:-

1. I haven't thought of taking something important
2. I have too much stuff that will overload the plane and therefore I might have to leave a bag at the airport
3. Life is not better staying here so I have to move there!
4. I haven't said goodbye to some precious friends
5. I won't miss being home